My Living Hell

Ok, I should be counting my blessings right? BUT I FEEL LIKE BITCHIN' AND MONIN' INSTEAD!!! How does the song go? "I can't complain but sometimes I still do"
So, my life ain't going so hot these days. But the thing about clinical depression is that it isn't the crappy stuff going on in my life that makes me feel crappy. That happens inside first. Then I have to find crappy things in my life to justify that I'm feeling crappy. That's the big misunderstood myth ( or "mythunderstanding") about depression. If its external stuff that's making you feel bad, that can be fixed. I wouldn't even call that depression.
What I suffer from is a result of bad connections in my brain that aren't firing on all cylinders. Experts say that its treatable. It ain't been for me yet, and I've tried a bunch of different ones. Most docs won't have you try different ones, actually. At least the ones I've dealt with. They stick you on one or the other med, and if it don't work, they just increase the dose 'till it does.
Then you lose a job, like I did, along with your income and insurance. Many of you reading this, not that many of you do, may have experienced going off of SSRIs cold turkey. It ain't pretty.
So here I am, and if God were as merciful as they say he is, He would end this chirade that is my life and just let me go home. I would gladly cut my losses, and go to hell at this point.